Who Are You, Really? The Lifelong Journey of Unmasking Your True Self
How ancient mystics and modern crises reveal the path to authentic identity—and why social media makes it harder
WHAT: The Illusion of a Fixed Self
A CEO client once confessed: “Without my title, I’m just… a blank page.” A retired teacher wept: “Who am I if I’m not shaping young minds?” A 25-year-old coaching client admitted: “I curate my Instagram self more than I know my real one.”
Identity is the story we tell ourselves - shaped by genes, parents, teachers, and the algorithms that now whisper, “ You should want this." But as Rumi, the Sufi mystic, wrote:
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop."
Yet neuroscience reveals our "self" is more malleable than we think:
Default Mode Network (DMN): The brain circuit that activates when we’re not focused on tasks—it’s where self-narratives live, but also where rumination breeds suffering .
Neuroplasticity: We’re wired to change. Buddhist psychology calls this “anicca,” the universal law of impermanence; Christian mystics like Meister Eckhart spoke of "letting go" to find God within .
The Crisis Point:
When failure, retirement, illness, or loss shatters our familiar identity, it’s not just painful—it’s necessary. As Alain de Botton (author of Status Anxiety) observes: “We suffer because we can’t imagine a better way of being."
SO WHAT: Why Identity is a Verb (Not a Noun)
Christian mysticism and modern psychology agree: You are not your roles and fancy titles, the letters after your name, or stuff you own wherever you live.
1. The Mystic’s Lens: I Am Not Who I Think I Am
- Meister Eckhart: “The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me."
Mystics dissolve the ego to encounter the "true self"—the Imago Dei - within .
- St. Teresa of Ávila : Compared the soul to a "castle" with many rooms, each revealing deeper union with the Divine .
2. Social Media’s Distortion: The Curated Self
- 58% of Christians feel their faith suffers due to online engagement, per Edelman Trust Barometer.
- 70% of Gen Z prefer digital interaction over face-to-face connection, breeding what C.S. Lewis called "mud pies in a slum"—settling for shallow validation over soulful presence .
The TLC ADDCARE Model I developed in my consulting and coaching practice as a Path Through Crisis:
1. Awareness (Observe the story): “I’m a ‘failed’ entrepreneur." → “I’m someone learning through failure."
2. Discovery (Unearth values): “What made me feel alive before this role defined me?"
3. Discernment (Separate ego from essence): “Is this my dream, or one I inherited?"
4. Choice (Commit gently): “I’ll volunteer to test if teaching still lights me up."
5. Action (Move imperfectly): Attend one TLC workshop like Coaching Essentials or Off-the-Grid Flowcation or join our free Monday/Friday Mindfulness Meditation Sessions. Write one journal entry but do it daily.
6. Results (Notice ripples): “I felt joy today—that’s data."
NOW WHAT: Reclaiming Identity in a Digital Age
1. Practice "Sacred Looking" (Mystic’s Tool)
- Action : Spend 10 minutes daily in contemplative silence. Ask: “Who am I when no one is watching?"
- Why : Mystics used this to transcend binary debates and dualistic thinking by focusing on direct experience of God’s presence. Right here. Right now.
2. Digital Discernment (Social Media Audit)
- Action : Curate feeds to reflect who you aspire to be. Mute accounts that trigger comparison. Post one unfiltered thought this week .
- Why: Dietrich Bonhoeffer (German Lutheran Pastor) warned: “Silence under the Word of God" is antidote to the "talkativeness" of digital noise .
3. Raise "Identity-Artists" (For Kids & Leaders)
- Action: Teach children “influence audits": Does this TikTok trend align with how you want to feel?"
- Why: French philosopher Simone Weil tied mysticism to activism—true self-knowledge fuels ethical action .
CALL TO ACTION: Carve Your Name in the Wind! A bit scary but consider it a “safe to fail experiment.” (S2FX)
This week, interrupt one "I am…" statement. Replace it with:
- “I’m just a [job title]" → “I’m someone who values…"
- “I’m bad at this" → “I’m learning this."
As David Whyte whose poetry and philosophy are based on the conversational nature of reality writes: “The only choice is the choice to inhabit your identity.”
- Susan Grace Rivera
Posted: July 09, 2025
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