Chicharon and Crunchy Conversations: Is the Art of Human Connection Fading into Virtual Bytes?
How a lunch with a friend reminded me what we lose when screens replace shared presence.
WHAT: The Nourishment of Real Connection
Two years had passed since I last saw my friend May Soriano, yet when we reunited over robata grill and sushi, time collapsed. The conversation flowed—unscripted, unhurried—a feast of updates, dreams, and laughter. Even the stale shrimp tempura (swiftly replaced by the chef) couldn’t sour the sweetness of being truly together.
Later that day, after a long week of plant-based meals, I craved chicharon- the crispy, visceral crunch mirroring the "aliveness" of our talk. Like those pork rinds, authentic conversation is organic: imperfect, salty, deeply satisfying. Yet today, such exchanges are endangered.
The Data Behind the Disconnect:
- The average person spends 6.5 hours daily online, yet only 34% of Gen Z prefer face-to-face chats over digital messaging.
- 5.24 billion social media identities exist globally, but studies show 60% of adults feel lonelier than ever, despite being "connected" .
- AI chatbots like Replika (a chatbot app that creates a personalized AI companion; designed to offer emotional support, engage in conversations, and help users explore their thoughts and feelings and virtual partners (e.g., Gatebox’s holographic companions) now simulate empathy, with some users confessing love to algorithms!
We are trading the messiness of human interaction for the curated ease of screens—where filters smooth wrinkles and auto-correct sanitizes vulnerability.
SO WHAT: Why This Loss Matters
Philosophers have long warned that conversation is the bedrock of humanity:
- Cicero called it the "encounter of two polished minds"—where listening is as vital as speaking .
- Montaigne believed it was life’s "most delightful activity," a dance of curiosity and care .
- Roger Scruton saw its art in "playing gracefully with ideas," not just transmitting opinions .
Yet modern "conversations" often resemble monologues broadcast into digital voids. AI companionship offers validation without reciprocity, and social media rewards “performance” over presence. The cost? Eroded empathy, atrophied attention spans, and a hunger for the very connection we’re avoiding.
As Coach May and I parted with a hug, I realized: We were not just sharing words—we were co-creating a moment of "moral beauty" (to borrow Krista Tippett’s phrase) . No algorithm can replicate the warmth of a hand on your shoulder when grief strikes, or the spark of an unplanned laugh.
NOW WHAT: Reclaiming the Art of Crunchy Conversations
Here’s how we can resist the pull of virtual bytes:
1. Prioritize "Chicharon Time"
Action: Schedule one device-free meal or coffee with someone this week. Let the conversation meander like ours did—no agenda, just presence.
Why?: Face-to-face interaction releases oxytocin, reducing stress and fostering trust .
2. Listen Like a Philosopher and Coach
Action: Practice “Galateo’s Rule" - Listen as if the speaker’s words matter personally to you.
Ask: “How did you arrive at that belief?” (Scruton’s marker of true dialogue) .
Why?: As Adler noted, intellectual conversations thrive on "searching out reasons behind thoughts.”
3. Embrace the Imperfect
Action: Next chat, resist the urge to curate. Share a raw thought—like stale tempura—and see how authenticity invites reciprocity.
Why: As de Quincey wrote, “Without an art, no act of man accomplishes its purpose in perfection.” Connection thrives in vulnerability.
4. Fight "Digital Default"
Action : Replace 3 text exchanges this week with voice notes or calls. Tone carries 38% more emotional nuance than text .
Why?: Even Habermas’s "communicative action" theory hinges on embodied*l dialogue for societal trust .
CALL TO ACTION: Crunch Boldly
This week, choose one conversation to "unfilter."
Put down the phone, lean in, and savor the chicharon crunch of real connection—awkward pauses, laughter, and all. Notice: How does it feel to be fully there?
As my 92-year-old dad Gil would say while chewing his pork rinds: "Life’s too short for virtual snacks when you can feast on the real thing."
= Susan Grace Rivera
Posted: June 29, 2025
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