BOWWBLOG #24 | The Mirror That Broke Me Open: My Unforgettable Lesson in True Self-Leadership
A story of a 360-degree report, a hospital bed, and the long journey back to myself
My dear friends,
Let’s talk about self-leadership. It’s a word we hear everywhere now, isn’t it? But I wonder if we truly know what it means. It’s about leading ourselves, yes, but the hardest person to be honest with is often the one we see in the mirror. We are masters of our own delusions.
And I should know. I was the queen of mine.
WHAT: The Report That Shattered My Illusion
About twenty years ago, I was introduced to a powerful tool called the Leadership Circle Profile (LCP). It’s a special kind of 360 assessment that doesn’t just list what you’re good at and what you’re not; it paints a picture of your inner world—your creative, forward-moving energy and, more importantly, your reactive, fear-based habits.
As the new CHRO of my company, I was eager to lead by example. I boldly asked 28 people—my boss, my peers, my team, even our partners—to tell me the truth about how I showed up. I expected a few growth areas, of course. I was a high achiever! I worked 15-hour days! I delivered results!
When the report arrived, it felt like a physical blow. It was like being doused with a bucket of ice water. The bottom line? I was not who I thought I was.
The feedback was clear: I was seen as arrogant, controlling, and yet… desperately wanting to be liked. I felt utterly betrayed. How could everyone see this and not say a word? But as the initial shock wore off, and with the gentle guidance of my executive coach, I saw a deeper truth. I had completely missed the strengths they also saw. My own relationship with myself was so harsh, so demanding and unforgiving, that I could only see the "failures." I was hard on everyone, but I was a tyrant to myself.
SO WHAT: The Cost of My Blind Spots
That report was the beginning of a profound journey into my own shadows. It wasn't just about work; it was about how I showed up in every part of my life—as a mother, a friend, a member of my community.
My work was all-consuming. My obsessive nature was fueled by a environment that rewarded it. I was achieving everything I set out to do, often with "flying colors," but the cost was staggering. My children were growing up with a mother who was physically present but remotely available—asleep when I left and asleep when I got home.
The ultimate price came in the form of a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA)—a temporary stroke. Tests showed my brainwaves were like someone having a grand mal seizure. I was confined to a hospital bed.
And my dear friends, would you believe that even there, I was sneaking cigarettes (I used to smoke three packs a day!) and holding staff meetings in my room? The delusion was that strong.
It took my neurologist looking me in the eye and saying, “Ms. Rivera, if you do not change your lifestyle, your next stroke may be fatal,” to finally break through. That warning was a hundred times more powerful than the 360 report. It was a matter of life and death.
It made me wonder: does it take a brutal feedback report or a life-threatening scare to truly see ourselves? Are there gentler ways to know ourselves intimately? How do we learn to influence our own thoughts, feelings, and actions—which is what self-leadership is truly about? How can we lead anyone else if we cannot compassionately lead ourselves?
NOW WHAT: The Gentle Path Back to Myself
After a few days of sitting with the painful feedback, I did the scariest, and most liberating, thing I could do: I went to my stakeholders. I sat down with my boss, my team, my peers, and I said, “I see this now. Thank you for your honesty. Will you help me?”
Those conversations were the true beginning of my turnaround. They were the first step in a journey that led me to intensify my meditation practice, change how I ate and moved, and, most importantly, change how I related to myself and others.
You don't need to wait for a crisis. You can start your own gentle journey of self-leadership today. Here are a few ways to begin:
1. The Mini-360: You don’t need a formal tool. Choose one trusted person in each part of your life (work, home, community). Ask them: “What’s one thing I do that makes you feel valued? And what’s one thing I might do that sometimes gets in the way of our connection?” Listen with an open heart. Just listen.
2. The Daily Check-In: Set a timer for 5 minutes each evening. Ask yourself with kindness: * How did I speak to myself today? Was I a compassionate leader or a critical boss? * Where did I operate from fear or control? Where did I operate from creativity and trust? * What is one small way I can be gentler with myself tomorrow?
3. Find Your Mirror: We all need something that reflects our blind spots back to us. It could be a journal, a mindful walk in nature, a trusted coach, or a meditation practice. Find your mirror and commit to looking into it regularly, not with judgment, but with curious, loving awareness.
My friend, self-leadership isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being aware. It’s about having the courage to see the gap between who we think we are and how we truly show up—and then bridging that gap with compassion and intention.
It’s the most important work we will ever do.
With all my love and belief in you,
Susan
Posted: September 08, 2025
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